Essays

Mutual masturbation – The thrill of observing

Mutual masturbation offers a great way to express and share sexual desires without words by focusing on watching.

By Anne Lomberg on July 6, 2023 -
Updated on October 21, 2023

Also available in German
Mutual Masturbation – Der Reiz am Beobachten

As a photographer who documents couples having sex, I often get asked if I get hot during the process and whether I join in. In this context, I, unfortunately, have to disappoint all those who had other visions when looking at the pictures. Behind the camera, I distance myself from sexual desires and concentrate solely on the result I want to see at the end, a perspective that makes space to fantasize. Because that’s what erotic photography is all about, showing the viewer only a fraction of what’s happening to activate the mental cinema.

Nonetheless, I am a voyeur; even if I distance myself from the sexual component behind the camera, in my private life, I like to watch and let my partner watch me masturbate. For me, there is almost nothing more erotic than looking into each other’s eyes, watching the pleasure build up at a distance without touching each other. Such a scenario is associated with a lot of longing, the desire to finally be able to pounce over each other, to feel together while glances wander between thighs and you spread your legs even wider to present him all your divinity while his cock swells to majestic size. You notice the heat rising, replaying a thousand possibilities in your mind of what could happen next once you break free and give in to the craving for carnal desire.

Free yourself from expectations

Mutual masturbation is the perfect foreplay to build up tension and arousal, while it is important to detach from expectations and make the whole thing authentic. Sometimes we worry too much about how we look, and the full disclosure of the vulva and vagina in shared masturbation can seem alienating to some women. For me, it’s essential, on the one hand, to show my partner what I really like and, on the other, to feed and satisfy my own visual need. In that context, the camera is also welcome to use.

A short story: I met a woman with my former partner who said she loved being watched. While getting intimate with her and completely lost in the pleasure, I suddenly felt subliminal about how she presented herself while my partner watched us. Her main concern was to look particularly sexy. I sat on her lap, dressed only in a kimono, while she let her fingers slide inside me and looked over my shoulder to my partner. I was completely intoxicated and would have almost forgotten everything around me if she hadn’t suddenly behaved differently as she staged her movements like something out of a porno. The vibes and, thus, our energy no longer felt natural; her moans didn’t match the subtle touches I was giving her, and when I kissed her neck, she threw it back exuberantly. What I’m saying is that it’s far more satisfying and liberating to let go of the outside and enjoy the moment, rather than paying attention to how you look or how the other person, the observer, might feel about it; surrendering to the intoxicating sensation while shutting off thoughts, limiting the pleasure received and given to the essentials, namely, how does it feel, rather than how do I look, or in the mutual masturbation context, what changes in my partner, how long can I take it before I have to touch him.

Vulnerability instead of performance

Those who are in tune with their body and their desire have a better understanding of their own needs and center them purposefully. In doing so, you consciously encapsulate yourself from expectations and falsely staged images, such as pornographic films that have nothing to do with true female pleasure. Sure, the moment you put yourself on display, you make yourself vulnerable, and that’s fine. It’s about open dialogue between you and your partner to understand what really turns you on, consciously through touch and not fake performances. Mutual masturbation offers a great way to communicate and share sexual desires without words by focusing on watching.

Observe yourself

You probably know exactly how to climax with your favorite toys, but have you ever watched yourself do it? I always recommend using a mirror when masturbating so that – in that case – you don’t just feel but also witness to see which areas trigger you the most and where you prefer to pause, how your orgasm builds and contractions begin. By doing this, you connect with your vulva and vagina in ways you have never considered and can use without inhibition during shared masturbation.

The game of watching has many interesting aspects. You can masturbate together or just watch or let the other watch, use toys, include dirty talk, enjoy the whole show until climax, or change the rules and pounce on each other. What happens is obvious; it brings you closer to your sexual needs and your partner’s. Apart from that, all the actions are highly erotic, making the actual act much more explosive. Then, when you can’t stand it anymore because of all the visual stimuli, wishing for nothing more than to feel your partner inside you in every possible way.

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