Essays

On the edge – A bittersweet symphony

With edging, we can reshape orgasm work and go beyond the traditional concept: taking time, celebrating pleasure, and delaying the state as long as possible.

By Anne Lomberg on June 29, 2023 -
Updated on October 21, 2023

Also available in German
Edging – Eine bittersüße Sinfonie

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner determined when you climaxed and when you didn’t? Where you practically begged to finally be allowed to unload because you couldn’t stand the torment anymore and desperately cried out, “Oh please, please, can I cum?”

I was in a BDSM-driven relationship, which has changed my female perception of sex ever since. This relationship was not about the act itself but about acting out erotic sub/dom fantasies. Hardcore edging to a point where all the pent-up erotic energy erupts in a full-body orgasm, an orgasm I have never experienced before.

Edging means nothing more than delaying orgasm to intensify the feeling when it arrives. Visually, you’re literally standing on the edge while someone is holding you back with a rope, allowing you to briefly look down into the depths to get your adrenaline pumping. This someone pulls you back repeatedly and finally lets you fall. A release that exceeds the sensations of a normal orgasm and can become addictive.

Orgasm Control

Edging is about orgasm control, it’s about sharpening your awareness of your body and your partner’s. You get to know your arousal curve and know how to use it. What my partner taught me back then in our BDSM relationship, I later tested on myself, and it’s not that easy. The temptation to let your orgasm happen and bathe yourself in the pleasurable feeling is too seductive, but it works with self-control and mindfulness. Try it next time when you touch yourself. Take a short break when you feel your orgasm building, and start again. Repeat this process a few times until you really get fed up and want to explode with rage. The results are rewarding. Edging improves sexual stamina in all circumstances, gives you a better understanding of your pleasure as well as your orgasmic ability to experience your erotic limits, and sets new standards in couple relationships where women get far too little attention.

While we often target orgasm as the ultimate goal and start our own personal mini-marathon, a lot gets lost in between. With edging, we can reshape orgasm work and go beyond the traditional concept: taking time, celebrating pleasure, and delaying the state as long as possible. What happens then is what we call tantric awareness, the creation of a deep connection between you and your partner or even with you alone.

Point of no return

There are several levels of arousal during masturbation or sex. Starting from mild arousal, building strong arousal to the point of no return, and finally, orgasm. The art of edging is to stop and pause before the point of no return. Before you feel your inner physical avalanche that comes with vaginal contractions and hot flashes; even before your breath speeds up, your body tenses, your movements become more mechanical, and all your attention focuses on your vagina and vulva. As a result, your sexual energy spreads throughout your body and remains there until you bring about the final salvation after a few times.

Take deep breaths during the breaks and recognize the bittersweet symphony that jolts your entire nervous system, all the pent-up energy that ends up catapulting out of your body like a ball of lust, anger, fear, and maybe even sadness. I mention mental states like anger and sadness on purpose because I am convinced that body and mind are involuntarily connected, and an outlet to the outside world needs to be created, whether through communication, admitting vulnerabilities, or regular orgasm therapy. All of these components play a crucial role in a healthy being by clearing internal debris with a bang.

Synchronize Orgasms

I’ve already talked about the orgasm gap in a previous article, which highlights the difference in experienced climaxes in couple relationships and where women have been proven to perform worse. Not only do women often fail to cum through pure penetration, but when they cum it is on average 8 minutes later than men. With edging, a couple’s relationship becomes more intimate, and you can experience orgasms together by lingering longer in pleasure.

The journey is the reward

When we redefine sex and decouple orgasm from penetration in heterosexual constellations, there is greater scope for more opportunities to act out and share pleasure. It’s a fact that most women need clitoral stimulation to climax. That’s why it’s worth taking time to extend foreplay as long as possible, experimenting with edging, starting over and again, getting to know each other physically and emotionally; giving space to pause, communicate and consciously perceive sex as such.

Being on the edge before letting go provides benefits in many ways. Not only does it give you a better understanding of yourself and your needs, but it also brings a new dynamic to relationships where you prioritize, build, and celebrate your pleasure and that of your partner. Delaying orgasm is not easy; to play with it, knowing it is already waiting around the corner, is all the more erotic.

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