Essays

Sex Positions with female pleasure in mind

There is a lack of representation of female pleasure everywhere. Cinema, and porn especially, don’t show us sex positions that are more likely to be enjoyed by women.

By Erika Lust on August 29, 2023

Considering the orgasm gap, women experience significantly fewer orgasms than men. That is a fact! Erika Lust dedicates this essay to sex positions especially conducive to female pleasure. In addition, we learn why sex without penetration is still sexual intercourse and that these “sexual acts” are still subject to a false assumption, namely the assumption that the main act is reserved for male pleasure.

We’ve all heard of the Kama Sutra before, but how many of you have actually read it? There are uncountable sex positions and each one has its own pros and cons. A lot of the articles online about sex positions are still based around “how to be more exciting in bed”, or “how to make your man happy in bed” and focus a lot on male pleasure and female responsibility to deliver during sex. But that’s not what sex is about.

Women are considerably less likely to have orgasms compared to men (The Cut). For a long time, the orgasm gap was dismissed by the argument that some women have problems reaching climax or can’t climax at all. A lot of women who don’t have orgasms with their partners still don’t talk about it, because we’ve been taught that if we don’t orgasm, it’s our fault and we should be ashamed of ourselves for being less sexy or less scandalous than the women we see in movies, who apparently all cum after 3 minutes of missionary. So, we presume that we’re not able to climax and often even fake pleasure to keep our partners happy. Today we know that none of this is true, whether you orgasm or not has much more to do with the erotic stimulation and quality of sex a woman receives. I know that might be scary to read for some of my male readers but I dare you to keep reading? There is a lack of representation of female pleasure everywhere. Cinema, and porn especially, don’t show us sex positions that are more likely to be enjoyed by women (except in porn for women 😉). Because in the end, most porn and cinema is made by men, for men. So for decades everything has been centered around male pleasure.

The female orgasm is complex and there are still a lot of things we don’t know about it. What we do know is that there are different kinds of female orgasms – vaginal ones and clitoral ones. Most of us equate sex with penetration and that is a terrible misconception. Sex shouldn’t be defined as just penetration, and everything outside of penetration shouldn’t be called foreplay – I really don’t like this separation of sexual acts. Around 3/4 of women say they need clitoral stimulation to climax (Psychology Today) and to be honest with you, my personal opinion is that the real numbers are much higher. That doesn’t mean that women just climax during a so called “foreplay” and then the “main act” or the penetrative part is reserved for male pleasure. First of all, even if there is no penetration at all – it can still be sex. It is perfectly normal to have sex without intercourse. And secondly, there are thousands of positions that allow clitoral stimulation and don’t focus only on penetration.

And then there’s the mysterious G-Spot, have you ever tried to find yours or searched for positions with your partner that are more likely to reach it? The G-Spot might be the key to your first squirting experience! I can not tell you which is the best position for you. Everyone works differently and enjoys different things. I think what’s more important is to know that there are uncountable things to try and that there is no right or wrong, or boring and exciting. There is just pleasure and no pleasure, and I believe that there are no limits to pleasure if we allow conversation and work on changing the continuing misrepresentation of it.

There are positions out there for everyone! Regardless of age, body type, sexual preference and desires. So here are 5 positions I received questions about during the last few weeks, scroll down and let’s talk!

Lotus

The Lotus is a fantastic sex position for both women and men.

The Lotus position is much like the Yoga Pose. The man needs to sit down with his legs crossed or you can also do this pose with legs stretched out if that’s more comfortable for both of you. The woman sits down on top, facing him and putting her legs around his torso. This position is very intimate, as you can hold on to each other very tightly if you want and you are positioned perfectly to kiss, whisper dirty talk into each others ears and look at each other. What’s also great about this one is that it allows the female a lot of freedom and power over pace, rhythm and angle. It’s not a position that allows a lot of heavy penetration (which can be a great thing!), the Lotus is more for intimate grinding motions and clitoral stimulation which makes it very enjoyable for many women. If the men leans back, using his arms to support his own weight, it also allows more stimulation to the G-Spot.

Ballerina

The Ballerina Sex position is exactly what it sounds like – a bit of stretching, a bit of a work out and a whole lot of fun and pleasure!

The standing-up version of it is very likely to be too uncomfortable for most people. To perform the ballerina, you both need to stand up and face each other. The woman lifts her leg up, as if she was working out on a ballet barre and the man holds it at his side. This requires a lot of flexibility and strength. This position can get very tiring quickly, especially for the woman who has to balance her body weight on one leg. So communication is key for this one. You both need to make sure that neither of you is in pain and stop if it becomes too much. An easy trick is to just take this position and convert it into a horizontal one (See the picture above). I call it the lazy ballerina ;). Laying down, the man is likely to be able to reach the G-Spot and he’s in a perfect position to work the clitoris with his fingers while he enters!

Octopus

I love the name of this position ;D Key to performing it is to raise the legs so the woman’s (or men’s) right leg rests on his left shoulder and your left leg on his right shoulder. Apart from that there are many variations. You can do it both sitting/laying down, or one can stand up while the other leans back on a table or sofa, like in the GIF above. The octopus allows deep penetration. Since the person that gets penetrated is laying on their back, they can use the opportunity to touch themselves while the partner’s thrusting inside them.

The Helicopter

Also known as the bumper cars position ;). The original Helicopter is slightly different from what you can see in the GIF above. Usually both parts face away from each other laying on their stomachs. The legs stay straight and open. You then reverse back towards each other until he can pull his penis so that it’s pointing towards the vagina. Make sure that you start out slowly when you are in this position and to test out what feels good before you really get in there to avoid uncomfortable accidents ;). The Helicopter sounds a lot more complicated than it actually is, and it is very compatible with foot/leg fetish!

Crab

In many respects, the Crab Position is basically a variation of the Cowgirl position, with one being on their knees on top, facing the other while they are lying on their back. The difference is that the person on top leans back and supports their own weight by extending both arms behind them. This is a sex position designed for deep penis or dildo in vagina penetration. The Crab is fun and it’s easy and simple. Once you made sure that you are both comfortable, begin to grind and enjoy. This position specifically targets the female G-spot!

These are only 5 out of the neverending reservoir of sex positions to try! Take your pleasure seriously and start exploring.

Erika Lust is an award-winning filmmaker, producer, and writer focusing on female pleasure, cinematic values, and ethics in adult cinema, which have helped to change how pornography is consumed. The wide-ranging Lust portfolio includes Lust Cinema, for those who appreciate the beauty of cinema and sex alike; Else Cinema, a library of sensual and stunning erotic films that focus on feeling rather than close-ups; and XConfessions, a collection of short movies in which anonymous members of the public submit their fantasies and experiences. In 2020, Erika’s blog relaunched as Lust Zine, the uncensored mag, and she invited more experts, writers, and sex educators to join her in contributing to the online magazine. Now, Lust Zine is the place to read about sex, sexuality, kinks, and more, totally uncensored.

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